By granty1977, Mar 27 2018 05:19PM
‘Why do you throw rocks before you, the path ahead is smooth?’ A wise Sage once said, he must have been describing parenthood?
OLD HABITS DIE HARD
When children are proving hard to control, the easy path often seems …. well …. too easy!
So, we dismiss it as an option and carry on the hard way out of habit.
But when we find our children’s behaviour hard, it’s usually because we are trying too hard.
What if there was an easier way to control their behavior without being a controlling parent?
END THE BATTLE & WIN THE WAR
One school holiday a Mum came to see me in despair, saying she had lost control of her children and didn’t know how to get it back. She felt as though she was, [in her own words] ‘Fighting against them in a constant battle about everything and felt like she was defeated all the time.’
My advice which surprised her, was to go along with her children whenever she felt totally powerless and to see what happened?
I wasn’t suggesting she leave her children to their own devices and let them walk all over her or encourage them to take advantage of her apathy, I just wanted her to accept and allow their demands temporarily, while she regained her confident, composure and sense of authority and self.
This was to show her children she was not accepting their behaviour powerlessly, instead she was showing them that she didn’t mind either way how they behaved. This reversed psychological approach, not only confused her children somewhat, but as intended, it equipped her to deal with their behaviour.
There was no struggle, instead of feeling powerless and beaten she was able to manage normally challenging situations easily. By her thinking that she was choosing how to feel, she felt empowered, rather than feeling powerless.
Feeling powerless suggests there’s isn’t a choice how to act or feel and nothing one can do.
The truth is there’s always a choice and parents are never powerless, we have all the power, all the time.
I assured her that, her children would soon get fed up of misbehaving once they realised she did not care and that they were not getting any attention for their behaviour.
PEACE AT LAST
What she soon noticed was her children had stopped wanting or asking for the things that previously she was not allowing them. By her not disallowing her children the things they wanted, the battle was over.
They hadn’t won the war though, because really, they didn’t want those things they were fighting for in the first place, all they were interested in was the battle, so she ended up peacefully winning the war.
Wishing you all a peaceful Easter, until next time,