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Hi, welcome and thanks for visiting my Blog.

 

My name is Emma Grant.

 

Happily married Mum of two, Auntie to nine, Godmother of ten & Childminder to many.

 

 

I'm also a  Qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Counsellor and Parent Coach.

 

 

 

I have fourteen years experience working alongside parents and children.

 

 

I enjoy blogging about Parenting & Childcare, love & relationships

Hypnotherapy

Weight Loss / Nutrition &

life in General. 

 

 

 

By granty1977, Mar 27 2018 05:19PM

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

‘Why do you throw rocks before you, the path ahead is smooth?’ A wise Sage once said, he must have been describing parenthood?


OLD HABITS DIE HARD


When children are proving hard to control, the easy path often seems …. well …. too easy!

So, we dismiss it as an option and carry on the hard way out of habit.


But when we find our children’s behaviour hard, it’s usually because we are trying too hard.


What if there was an easier way to control their behavior without being a controlling parent?


END THE BATTLE & WIN THE WAR


One school holiday a Mum came to see me in despair, saying she had lost control of her children and didn’t know how to get it back. She felt as though she was, [in her own words] ‘Fighting against them in a constant battle about everything and felt like she was defeated all the time.’


My advice which surprised her, was to go along with her children whenever she felt totally powerless and to see what happened?


I wasn’t suggesting she leave her children to their own devices and let them walk all over her or encourage them to take advantage of her apathy, I just wanted her to accept and allow their demands temporarily, while she regained her confident, composure and sense of authority and self.


This was to show her children she was not accepting their behaviour powerlessly, instead she was showing them that she didn’t mind either way how they behaved. This reversed psychological approach, not only confused her children somewhat, but as intended, it equipped her to deal with their behaviour.


POWERFUL PARENTS


There was no struggle, instead of feeling powerless and beaten she was able to manage normally challenging situations easily. By her thinking that she was choosing how to feel, she felt empowered, rather than feeling powerless.


Feeling powerless suggests there’s isn’t a choice how to act or feel and nothing one can do.


The truth is there’s always a choice and parents are never powerless, we have all the power, all the time.


I assured her that, her children would soon get fed up of misbehaving once they realised she did not care and that they were not getting any attention for their behaviour.


PEACE AT LAST


What she soon noticed was her children had stopped wanting or asking for the things that previously she was not allowing them. By her not disallowing her children the things they wanted, the battle was over.


They hadn’t won the war though, because really, they didn’t want those things they were fighting for in the first place, all they were interested in was the battle, so she ended up peacefully winning the war.


Wishing you all a peaceful Easter, until next time,


Stay Present,


Em x


www.emmagrantdiphyp.com


https://www.facebook.com/pg/EmmandPaulGrant


https://www.facebook.com/1977therapy


https://twitter.com/EmmaGrantHyp






By granty1977, Feb 27 2018 03:04PM

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash
Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

We can all remember that moment we brought our first-born home from hospital.


I remember that snowy February day, my husband Paul putting the car seat down in the middle of the living room and us both staring at our new arrival, for what felt like hours.


We were just in awe of her and scared and anxious at the same time.


All those fears surfaced.


How would we cope?


What do we do if she cries?


How will we know what she needs?


When?


And why?


What if we don’t know how to be good parents?


Now as I approach my fourteenth Mother’s Day as a Mum, I feel so privileged and happy to have come this far, to have learnt so much but more importantly to feel lovable, loving and loved.


The pride and love I feel everyday is overwhelming, making that difficult birth and all those doubts and fears pale into insignificance.


Yes, even the toddler tantrums and teenage angst has been worth every minute.


So much so, I feel saddened that they are growing up, and I long for those baby days back.


Yes, children change your life in many ways, but always for the better.


It may be hard to imagine now when you’re in the thick of dirty nappies and sleepless nights, but it’s in those ordinary moments together, that one day, you’ll linger with your memories longing to go back.


Those night feeds, school runs, class assembly’s, duvet days and trips to the dentist, will become the best moments in our lives.


They are priceless, irreplaceable nuggets of time, all too often we take for granted because we are disillusioned that the work and worries that occupy our mind, are the things that need our attention the most.


Yet, neither now nor in the future will anyone or anything, ever bring us the joy, fulfilment or happiness that our children do.


Our children are the present, enjoy the gift!


Happy Mother’s Day!



www.emmagrantdiphyp.com


https://www.facebook.com/pg/EmmandPaulGrant


https://www.facebook.com/1977therapy


https://twitter.com/EmmaGrantHyp

By granty1977, Feb 8 2018 02:40PM

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash
Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash

Love it or loathe it, it’s that time of year again that loved up, hopeless romantics love, Valentine’s Day.


As parents though, we are more likely to race to bed to get some sleep, than to rip our partners clothes off for some passionate encounter.


We may have already found Mr or Mrs right for us but we shouldn’t take them for granted or allow them to take us for granted.


It’s nice to feel comfortable with someone, (even without our make up on!) but we should never let our -selves or our romantic relationships slide. We have to make time for fun and intimacy. That’s not always easy with the average person working and commuting forty- eight hours a week and children to care for.

Yet more so now than ever, it’s important to reconnect and release the tension in our lives with our partners.


Even when spending time together, it can feel like there’s more people present with social media to distract us.


But staying present in the moment, and sharing experiences and activities together that don’t particularly interest us personally, brings us closer to our partners.


Surprise, Surprise!


My Husband once convinced me to go carp fishing with him, I reluctantly went for the night and read a book, while he patiently fiddled with his tackle. Surprisingly, I was amazed at how relaxing it was and although we were both doing different things, we enjoyed doing them together under the stars.


Sharing experiences we wouldn’t normally be interested in not only broadens our horizons, but gives us the chance to learn new things about our partners, and time for love and intimacy.

This Valentine’s Day he might book you a spa day, or you may book him a round of golf, but don’t forget to share each other’s passions and book it for two, to keep that love alive.


KEEPING LOVE ALIVE


We have to make that effort to make our partners feel special, sexy, valued and important.


This shows our appreciation for them and actually motivates them to want to do more for us. Everybody wants to feel loved and appreciated but we can’t expect to be treated that way unless we treat ourselves and others that way first.


Neglecting our -selves or our partner’s needs, disinterest, complacency or tit for tat behaviour is when hearts, eyes and genitalia wander.


So, it’s important to embrace our differences and keep love alive not just at Valentines Day but throughout the year.


LOOK BEYOND BEHAVIOUR


We don’t judge our children, we love them unconditionally and accept those terrible twos and teenage angst periods as part of normal behaviour but we are less forgiving of our partners.


We shouldn’t treat our partners like children or even ignore their unreasonable behaviour, but we could try showing them some empathy. Everybody has bad days or difficult spells in life which cause them to behave differently, so we should try to help our partners by focusing on their good points, and ignoring the little insignificant things they do that we dislike, such as leaving the toilet seat up.


Love enables us to demonstrate tolerance and forgiveness for their lazy little habits, but nagging, screaming and being critical never achieves what we really want …a loving, harmonious relationship and life.


LOVE LETTERS


Having looked beyond behaviour, if something is still bothering us, we need to be honest and raise this with them before it snowballs into something serious that could lead to resentment.


Most people are oblivious to how we feel unless we tell them straight, but without casting blame on them. If we can take responsibility for our own feelings, we allow a partner to see things from our perspective, without them feeling attacked or defensive.


If discussing how you feel is too difficult, try writing it down in a letter?


This reduces negative emotions and helps us to experience positive feelings instead. It also helps keep the situation in perspective, normally when an issue is written down it doesn’t look as bad as we thought.


It can even seem funny to have such strong feelings, over something that is sometimes inconsequential. We may or may not want to share this letter with our loved ones, but the process works on healing the rift either way.


REMINISCE AND KEEP LOOKING AHEAD


Couples who play together end up making great memories together too.


Reminiscing about the good times gone by, and looking at photographs has been proven to be more effective than alcohol or drugs to uplift our moods.


Watching videos or DVD’S you’ve made together, such as your wedding day or holidays you’ve shared, especially when you first met when love was flying high, will help to rekindle those feelings and emotions of love, lust and joy, reminding and confirming to you both, why you coupled up with each other.


While reminiscing on the past, don’t forget to Stay Present!


Em x


www.emmagrantdiphyp.com


https://www.facebook.com/pg/EmmandPaulGrant


https://www.facebook.com/1977therapy


https://twitter.com/EmmaGrantHyp







By granty1977, Jan 21 2018 01:34PM

Photo by Allen Taylor on Unsplash
Photo by Allen Taylor on Unsplash

WHAT IS GOOD & BAD BEHAVIOUR?


Managing our children’s unwanted behaviour is the most difficult thing to master when it comes to parenting.


We want a lasting approach that works, not a quick fix, short term solution.


This means we need to be consistent, fair, positive and effective in our approach and take our focus off punishment and discipline onto education and explanation instead.


Easier said than done when our little monsters are testing our patience and pressing our angry buttons.


EXPLANATION AND EDUCATION


But usually no matter what age a child is, explaining and teaching them why they should or shouldn’t do something, works more effectively than telling them off.


Although it’s useful to know first, what good or bad behaviour actually is?


TAMBOURINE TIME


To help differentiate between the two, I will share a true story that happened to me.


Several years ago, I attended a parent’s evening for my then six-year-old son, who had recently started in a new school. As I sat down excitedly, his teacher greeted me with the news all parents dread to be told, my Son had misbehaved at school that day and received his first red card [a red card is what the children receive for being really naughty and they get punished by not being allowed to go out at playtime with the other children.]


My first thought was ‘Thanks a lot Son, of all the days to misbehave you chose the day of your parents evening to do it. How embarrassing, now I feel like the teachers telling me off too!’

My second thought was, what could he have possibly done wrong to get a red card?


His teacher then went on to explain that, when she had told the class they were having ‘Tambourine Time’ my Son’s enthusiasm over took him, as he jumped up excitedly and proclaimed; ‘Yes my favourite!’


QUASH HIS ENTHUSIASM


As she could see from my face I was still anticipating what he’d done wrong, she went on to say how bad she now felt for telling him off and giving the card to him, but she needed to ‘quash’ his enthusiasm.


Too perplexed to say anything and some- what relieved that his only conviction was being too enthusiastic over tambourine time, I decided not to say how I felt about the matter. But deep down, I could not understand why a teacher would want to quash a pupil’s enthusiasm for a music lesson she was teaching?


But more than anything, I could not believe the difference between a child being labelled naughty [in my Son’s case with a red card to symbolize it] over something that I, as a Professional Childcare Provider and Mum, would deem a good quality, which is enthusiasm for learning.


GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOUR IS A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE


This clearly illustrates the difference between what one person deems as naughty or unwanted behaviour, another person could consider acceptable or even admirable behaviour. As we can see from this example, with so much misunderstanding involved in the adult and child relationship, our children may not be aware of or believe that they are miss behaving, until it is pointed out to them by either ourselves or a teacher.


Then even after being told they still may not see themselves as miss behaving but as just being curious or having fun.


The confusion lies in the fact that good or bad behaviour, is really only a matter of opinion and there can be no bad behaviour, unless it is being observed by someone who believes it to be bad behaviour.


The problem with this is, everyone has a different perspective on what is good or bad behaviour, dependant on their own ideas, unique perceptions, moods, individual experiences and beliefs.


Consider this; if our children are having a tantrum whilst they are completely alone and there’s nobody else present, not even us to witness it, are they still being naughty or are there any other words or ways in which we could describe their behaviour instead, such as frustrated, angry, sad, or confused?


Has your child been misunderstood or labelled in the past? If so I would love to hear your perspective on their behaviour, and may if you would like me to, use some examples in my upcoming book? Just leave a comment on this blog post or alternativley privatley message me or get in touch with me on any of the below social media. I look forward to reading your stories and comments.


More on Good and Bad Behaviour next time.


Until then Stay Present,


Em x


www.emmagrantdiphyp.com


https://www.facebook.com/pg/EmmandPaulGrant


https://www.facebook.com/1977therapy


https://twitter.com/EmmaGrantHyp



By granty1977, Jan 17 2018 04:57PM

Photo by Tanja Heffner on Unsplash
Photo by Tanja Heffner on Unsplash

BAD MUM


HOW EMBARRASSING


A couple of years ago whilst dropping my children off to school, a Mum angrily commented; ‘Look at the state of that Mum!’ as she pointed out another Mother to me on the school yard, who was dressed in pyjamas.


‘How embarrassing for that little girl to be brought to school by her Mum dressed in pyjamas.’ She went on.


‘Look, she hasn’t even bothered to get dressed or make any effort to do her own hair, let alone her daughters. She is such a bad mother!’


What would you have thought if you had seen this Mum dressed in pyjamas, dropping her child off to school, looking rather unkempt?


Have a think, we’ll come back to this in a moment.


Of course, this Mum was entitled to her own opinion, just the same way as the other Mum was entitled to do the school run in her pyjamas, both just had different perspectives on the situation.


BEHAVIOUR IS A MATTER OF PERCEPTION


You see behaviour is just a matter of perception.


Knowing this can help us as parents to better understand our children’s behaviour.


This is a better alternative than always trying to change their behaviour as sometimes this can be impossible, but how we view their behaviour is something we can easily change when we try.


This is not to say that we should overlook or defend every wrong doing they do, we still must lovingly guide and support our children’s behaviour and when they do things they shouldn’t they need to know as this is how they learn how to behave appropriately.


But in future, to help us to alter our perceptions of our children’s behaviour, we could try to pretend that everything our children do or say, is just their way of learning how to behave.


None of it, is to intentionally embarrass, annoy, frustrate or upset us in any way. We are just giving them the freedom and privilege to learn how to behave.


BACK TO THE BAD MUM


Anyway, back to the dishevelled, disorganized, irresponsible Mum, who dropped her child to school dressed in pyjamas.


Or should that be ……back to the loving, selfless Mum, who had been bedridden for months and was very ill, but wanted to take her daughter to school that day no matter what as it could have been her last chance. Back to that ill Mum, who on that one day had mustered all her strength and effort, to fulfil her child’s wish of dropping her off to school again?


Looking at it from that perspective, how does that now make you feel?


Did you think there was going to be a good explanation as to why a Mother would wear pyjamas to school or did you initially think the same way as the other Mum, who presumed that she was a bad mother?


The first scenario ignites anger and frustration for the woman in pyjamas, but the second evokes sadness and loving empathy for her.


Yet, it’s the same woman, being observed doing the same thing, the only thing that’s different is how the person observing perceives it.


Everything is not always what it seems, which is why we should not be so quick to judge others or their behaviour, based on our own perceived thoughts and emotions.


Our children’s behaviour maybe perplexing to us at times but it’s not all bad, sometimes it’s just misunderstood.


More on Good and Bad Behaviour next time!


Until then Stay Present,


Em x


www.emmagrantdiphyp.com


https://www.facebook.com/pg/EmmandPaulGrant


https://www.facebook.com/1977therapy


https://twitter.com/EmmaGrantHyp



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